Insights that Excites

To Be

2011-01-14T14:22:00.005+05:30

I wish I had a torch

To light up the sorrow

And light up in joy,

To burn down the demons

And annihilate the shadows.

I wish I had the magic wand

To merge the past and the future,

To take me beyond the reaches of time.

I wish I had the strength

To continue to be …

Am I ?

2010-11-19T13:14:00.002+05:30

The sun creeps up along the terrace

Trying to touch my toes,

To curl up as a warm ball of happiness

And spread its wings all over.

The colors of life

Keep waving their lovely petals,

To draw me into them

And induce me into the make belief

Sense of belongingness.

The crisp cool air rustles the leaves

Threatening to shatter my slumber,

And break into my dreamless sleep.

All around me the whole world

Moves to embrace me

Yet again in this eternal

Act of believing that I am alive.

For a spec of gold

2010-09-18T21:42:00.001+05:30

Have you ever tried holding on
To sand within a closed fist
To feel the grains
As they struggle gently pushing and finally
Drifting out from
The tiny gaps that
You didn’t realize you had
In your fist that you had closed so tight.
To open it later to
See it empty except those few grains
That stick at the corner of your fingers..
Reminding you that you had held your fist closed
Too long and too tight..
Look closer and there would be
A spec of gold in the gains that cling on to you
A spec that shines so bright
That it makes this whole ordeal
Worth living for and makes you hope for more
So you go back and grab a little more sand yet again….
Who knows what spec of gold awaits you now !!

Waiting

2010-07-23T12:33:00.001+05:30

The rains have washed away
The remnants of yesterday
The water colored sky
Reaches out to the dripping wet leaves
With a promise of the
Sun kissed happy times that lie ahead
The smell of the wet earth
Brings back memories of
Unknown times that
Makes the green heart nostalgic.
The rain drenched birds
Wait in anticipation
To spread their wings and float away
To lands of dreams and music.
Creation drifts from one moment
To another..
With memories of the past
Ingrained in the future
Waiting for me to join them…

In Silence

2010-05-25T11:29:00.000+05:30

You came in stepping lightly,
Hidden from all.
Softly treading like the night and
Covered my sky in a quite somber color.
Nothing like what one can expect the hue to be

You came in with the air
Just a whiff of intoxicating fragrance
Dissolving my existence
In the eternal stream
Of the river of light so bright

I never asked
How long will you stay in here
In the garden of bliss
Or what is our destination
For I lived for the journey
As long as it lasts

Rains

2010-05-06T17:07:00.000+05:30

I live to love this rain,
To let it wash over my eyes
To mingle my dreams
With those of a million others
To take to a land of hopes and aspirations
Where islands meet
To create continents
That know no boundaries.
Dreams that mingle together
To sing the song of the heart-
Strong and loud,
With the lilting tune of the falling rain
Singing of all the dreams
Dreamt by millions and lived by millions.
The thunder drums awaken me to realize
I am one with a million others in a certain way
Who have had the same dream
Who have loved the same rain
That washed their dreams away…

Trying to be Me

2010-04-20T18:34:00.001+05:30

Beyond the realms of reality
I can be the roman warrior
Masked in anger and pride
I can be the Trojan horse
To hide a million scary secrets in my belly
Or the fabled toad
Waiting to be turned into a prince
Beyond the realms of reality
I can cry, laugh, shout in glee
Love and despair in abandon
Not to be judged
Or evaluated on scales of society
To be banished as guilty
Or exemplified as ideal
Beyond the realms of reality
Lies my dreams, and hopes
With honest emotions and true feelings
For they make me truly me..

Realization

2010-02-28T12:51:00.002+05:30

I stand at the edge of a chasm
The mountain air filling my being
With anticipation
Of your touch
Encouraging me
To turn back and find your eyes smiling back into mine
Inviting me to lean back
To believe in Selfless love
Giving me courage to let go..
To love is to let go..
To let go is to learn

I stand at the beginning of the valley
The fragrant air filling my memory
With the thoughts
Of your embrace
Protecting me
From the fear of loosing you
Supporting me with wisdom
To trust my heart
Giving me strength
To follow the route of compassion
To live is to know
In death lies a new beginning.

You or Me !!

2010-02-16T12:04:00.004+05:30

In the silence of my mind,
I can hear your presence
With the timeless tune of
Life and death
Of
Love and faith
Of
Things unknown yet within.

In the empty-ness of my heart
I can feel you touch
“To help me cope
With everything…”
Pain and loss
Or
Things so gross
Or
The demon that roars within.

In the regularity of my breath
I can sense your love
To help me be
Just
Myself.

You and Me ….

2010-02-16T11:53:00.002+05:30

I look at the wide blue sky
To wonder how and why
It connects you and me
In this eternity

I look at the bright rainbow
And wish it could take away my sorrow
Of drifting apart
From your lovely heart

I face the utter darkness
And welcome the lonely distress
To know that life is changing
Yet I have no choice.. but living

I dream of the white unicorn
A burning phoenix to be reborn
On a golden feather so free
And be with you for eternity

Insights that Excites: Dreams

2009-12-31T09:43:00.000+05:30

Insights that Excites: Dreams

Dreams

2009-12-30T12:28:00.003+05:30

Do I know
What flows within me..
That makes me dream those impossible dreams
That makes me gaze into those brown blue eyes
In search of something that may not be?

Do I dare
To touch those sacred places in my flight
That makes me want to hope
That makes me look up into those brown blue eyes
In search for the same fire that I know will never ignite?

The Moments in Time

2009-09-11T12:39:00.000+05:30

The moments in time
Flow by bouncing in the rhythm of sunshine,
Reflecting the last vestiges
Of memory.
The moments that held me
In the very womb of darkness
And enlightened me to the
Melody of silence,
Now smile at me
From a distance
Beckoning me into the
Effervescence of life.

The moments in time reflect the very image of light
Resounding the emptiness
Of this overcrowded heart.
The moments that bind me
To the roots of freedom
And opens the sky for me to fly.
Now, they nestle close to my being
In search of tranquility
And beckons me to join them
In the dark oblivion of eternity.

Making it Mine

2009-09-08T13:08:00.001+05:30

My journey… is my destination
To live for and breath in
To make it mine
And hope to loose it someday
To light up the darkness
And be blinded with happiness
To know it is just for now
To hold tight
To the sands of timeAnd sow the seeds of hope…..

From deep in my heart....

2009-06-30T11:16:00.005+05:30

(This is not entirely written by me.. if 'found' it)

It doesn’t interest me what you do for a living.
I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart’s longing.
It doesn’t interest me how old you are.
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dream
for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn’t interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the centre of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life’s betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes
without cautioning us
to be careful
to be realistic to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to know if you can see Beauty
even when it is not pretty every day.
And if you can source your own life
from its presence.
I want to know if you can live with failure
yours and mine
and still stand at the edge of the lake
and shout to the silver of the full moon,
“Yes.”
It doesn’t interest me
to know where you live or how much money you have.
I want to know if you can get up
after the night of grief and despair
weary and bruised to the bone
and do what needs to be done
to feed the children.
It doesn’t interest me who you know
or how you came to be here.
I want to know if you will stand
in the center of the fire with me
and not shrink back.
It doesn’t interest me where or what or with whom
you have studied.
I want to know what sustains you
from the inside
when all else falls away.
I want to know if you can be alone
with yourself
and if you truly like the company you keep
in the empty moments.
- Oriah Mountain Dreamer

2009-06-05T16:29:00.002+05:30

Waves

We stand alone
With an ocean before us....
With its unending waves
Matching the ones in our hearts
The waves of emotions
That have come and gone and come again
Waves that connect us to other shores
Weaving an invisible net
Of emotions that keep coming and going
How much ever we promise ourselves
Never again.
Yet, we shall stand alone
Connected to other shores
With other’s thoughts
But only from a distance
To just know as a fleeting moment
As we pass through this
Never ending saga of
Living and being born again.
We stand alone in hear break
And in happiness
As the waves of emotions
Only but touch the other shores
To be seen, felt and lived differently.

This is written just like that... just felt like it :-)

2009-05-06T11:33:00.001+05:30

Just be there with me…
To feel the cool air
Of the rain washed city
The slight tingle
Of the first rain drops on our faces
Just be there with me….
To hear the birds come home
At dusk declaring peace with the day
The ores cutting through
The tired waters before they are left to dry
Just be there with me…..
To see the same old city
In the new light
To visit old memories
And feel no regrets
Just be there with me
Till it is time to start again….

Rain & Sunshine

2009-04-16T15:10:00.003+05:30

Hold your happiness
In those tiny fists…
Curled around the tiny drops of
Rain and sunshine
As you feel your way through
This wonderful maze of life
Hold your happiness
In those tiny fists…
For it comes from within you
To be reflected in the eternal drama
Of rain and sunshine
Let nobody tell you otherwise..
Let nobody hold your happiness for you
For it comes from within you
And showers like a thousand pearls
On your closed eyes…
Hold your happiness
In those tiny fists…

(written about a photograph taken by a friend- click here to see)

In the sunshine of emotions

2009-04-06T12:13:00.002+05:30

The illusion of sentiments
And the magic of beliefs
Stand challenged
In the sunshine of emotions
The landslide has started
The flood waters …
Beginning to fill the brim of what remains-
In this often broken sense of reality.
To be able to distinguish
Happiness from anguish
And love from fear
Has become only but a distant hope.
In the all pervading sunshine of emotions
Let the deluge break free
From the bondage of insecurities,
Jealousies and the sense of loosing
Only to love more
And may be…. to loose again.

The Dream

2009-03-15T11:07:00.001+05:30

The visions of the Dream
Keeps transcending into the wakeful hours of the day
The silvery moonlight
Streaking into the bright sunshine of regular
Familiar and useful life.
It is a fine blend
A dream that permeates into the conscious mind
With a forcefulness
That can leave the reality shaken
That wants to spread out its wings
And take on the might and power of the wind
A reality that permits only acceptance
That has to be lived through
The silvery haze of a Dream

The Dove Story - published on Bloggermom.com

2009-03-15T10:40:00.004+05:30

Today I am writing about two Doves that befriended us , came and layed their two eggs on a rope swing in my balcony. It was an amazing experience to see the two bird take turns, first, to build a tiny nest and then once the female bird lay its two small eggs, they once again took turns to keep the eggs warm. It was like a clock work, an unsaid and un documented sense of bonding between the two birds and their future family that was unfolding before my eyes.

Very soon this nest was the most precious object in the household. All visitors were told about it and special ones were allowed to enter the bedroom and look at the nest from behind the glass of the French windows that opened into the balcony.

After a wait of about 20 days, one of the eggs hatched and we had our first baby being born in the house .. the tiny little featherless and very helpless looking baby Dove. The parent birds were very excited.. and having watched them for so long, we detected a distinct difference in their behavior with an unmistakable excitement and heightened sense of responsibility visible in the constant vigil that they maintained from our terrace as well as rooftops of neighboring houses.

This new addition to the Dove family was treated with equal attention from our family and once again like that of a human child, its each and every move was been talked about everyday in the house. It grew in size very fast and everyday it was doing new things like move its head, its first droppings.. etc (that were now dropping on the balcony).. and even that was something we were referring to proudly to visitors. Then its eyes opened and it started moving around a little bit. Slowly its feathers started to grow starting with a soft brown undergrowth that gave way to the larger and darker real feathers. This little bird became the center of all our attention. Any family member returning home after a day at work or school would first visit the balcony and say hello to our little baby bird that had by now been christened Monita by my seven year old son.

Soon it became a very friendly and cute creature that was not afraid of us at all . It started responding to our voices and calls. As its feathers and wings grew in size and strength, it started to take small hops and jumps to hop up to my son’s shoulder or head and was treated to a tour of the house every now and then. The parent birds kept their vigil but a little distant now. They would scare away any crow that dared to approach the balcony and on regular intervals took turns to come and feed the baby. It was a pleasure to watch them communicate with the Monita… their sounds would change completely and in my mind their communication with the baby was all about love, care and reassurance about life. It was so heart warming to see such bonding in a family of birds which , I assume, unlike the human society is run without mandatory rules and institutions that essentially has to sanction all relationships. This bonding appeared divine, ruled by nature and perhaps had more transcending impact on the individuals concerned than the ones we experience under the bindings of societal grants.

This story has a tragic end to which I will refrain from going but through this passage would like to in some way immortalize our little dove bird, - Monita and his / her parents on the balcony. Those few days were something that has touched me and all other members in my family at a level that was never touched before and made us a much more closer family and better human beings.

I wrote this piece for http://www.bloggermoms.com/ so please visit that site and read the comments and other posts there. It is a very intersting website.

Visions of a dead man

2008-09-22T16:48:00.002+05:30

I am lost,
In the drift of souls
From the debris of the leftovers of life
That lay strewn around on the foot path
Of the capital city
Or in the burnt ruins of the
Symbol of hospitality,
In a rival capital.

I am one with the drift
It is a strange amalgamate of souls,
That sing in the name of happiness, souls
That rejoice in the name of love, souls
That cry in unition at a loss unimaginable.
Unable to tear away from the lifeless bodies
Unable to see the loss on the faces
Of the ones we leave behind.

I am on my journey
As a soul that hopes
To never be born again
To live in the divisions
Created in the name of Isms
In a world that looses its sanity
A world that has lost its zest
For the Ism of Life.

My reaction to the turn of recent terrorist activites in the subcontinent. I love life and cant understand how or why some factions insist on wasting such a lot of it.

My new found passion - dancing

2008-08-13T16:43:00.002+05:30

Wings of Fire
In the corner room with the wooden floor
Lay the soft song of life..
By the comforting warmth of
Everyday life,
Untouched by the whirlwind
Within.
Till you came by and
The song remained soft no more..
It is a calling,
The brilliance of a thousand suns
Dazzling on the wooden floor.
Waiting to take off
In passion
On the wings of fire.

2008-08-04T12:31:00.001+05:30

Crossroads ….

Sitting in the den,
On a damp dark December..
The chill is real.
The fingers of loneliness .. Oh so strong
So many stories
Those.. that can turn the frog into the prince
Those that can leave the happy prince crying
So many words.. so many voices..
In the heart of loneliness they boom loud and strong.
They speak of love..
They speak of God…
Always they speak of you.

An Inspiring Legend – Marc Woods

2008-01-02T14:51:00.000+05:30

“In my life there are places I remember…” sang the Beatles in their much loved song ‘In my life’. Yes in your life there are places, occasions and faces that you come across in your daily grind, and you remember some and forget many. Meeting Marc Woods is one of those occasions which will remain entrenched in my mind for all times to come.

While in Armonk, the HQ of IBM, I had heard about the exploits of the legendary Marc Woods in Paralympics. That he had won 12 Paralympics Medals of which 4 were Gold are testimonial to the courage and determination of a man who has learnt not to accept defeat under adverse circumstances.

I was in Bangalore on 5th of Sept 07 teaching a Basic Blue for New Leaders session, and IBM made it possible for me to meet Marc Woods. Sitting beside a legend is no easy task. But soon I was feeling at ease with him as he smiled through his bright blue eyes and shared his trials with destiny with me. Coming from a small fishing village in Britain he lost his left leg to cancer at the age of 17 when he was just getting started in life. But though he lost his leg he never lost his courage.

He spoke to me about his days when he was training for 4 hours everyday in the pool with 3 additional hours spent at the gym. He recalls those days as being extremely difficult ones… he was swimming the equivalent of 2 marathons every week!! He had to wake up everyday at 4 in the morning to make it to the pool in time. He remembers waking up every Friday morning feeling every muscle in his body aching from the training throughout the week, his mind and soul extremely tired… and there did not seem any good reason for him to wake up another day only to get more tired and more stretched. But one thing kept him going.. the self belief that someday he will win the gold medal at the Paralympics… and his feeling, that he was on the right track.

This sense of everyday drudgery seemed strangely familiar. Though I was not working as hard as him, but living out each day within the same routine can make anyone feel like a prisoner of his/her own destiny, locked within the walls of duties and responsibilities all the time. So each morning when I kiss my sleeping son good bye to catch an inter city flight I keep on asking myself “why am I leaving and what glory will it bring me?” The answer is not easy to find as there are no Olympics medals waiting for me at the end of this flight. So when I posed this question to Marc I knew I was bowling a googly to him. But like a Sachin Tendulkar he hit it for a straight six.
.
He asked me to think of all the reasons in my life of why I should leave… Are those reasons valid? If the answer is yes, then, that is good reason to leave. He asked me, what will make you proud? He gave me two options:
Do you want your son to be happy with you right now?
Do you want your son to be proud of you when you are no more with him?
To be very honest, it was a difficult choice. But I chose the second option, after careful consideration. I wanted my son to be proud of me because then that is what I want to be remembered as.
To that Marc’s response was, so now that you have made your choice, will that be possible if you stay home? Or will it be possible if you leave? I once again chose the 2nd option.
He gave me a frank smile with a twinkle in his crystal clear eyes, and told me ‘So now you have started thinking long term.’ That was my take away.
As part of the HR Learning team in India, my job has taken me to several places, given me the feeling of being on top of the world. However, all experiences and learning has perhaps made me more attuned to the finer feelings that a woman experiences underneath the shroud of success. Many of us working mothers constantly spend a large amount of energy trying to cover up a guilt feeling about not being able to give company to our children. So we constantly question our credibility as mothers.
But now, having spoken to Marc, I feel more confident. To be successful as a mother, I need to look and think long-term, I need to sacrifice my present for a brighter tomorrow and finally try to think beyond just my feelings and do things which are good for my child.
Choices could be different, but these are some of the reasons that I learnt to believe in from Marc.

My next question to him was around his disability, and I asked him as to how does he deal with his disability. As a 17 yr old how did he make himself overcome the psychological baggage that comes with an amputation?
He was contemplative for a brief second, and I saw for that one fraction for a second his entire past flash through his mind. Within that brief moment, I saw the pain, the losses and the determination come together in those blue eyes.

His story was that of a strong family and a stronger emotional strength. The first few months were filled with dark thoughts of all the things that he will now not be able to do because he is now ‘dis – abled’. Then came his father’s consistent words – “think of all the things that you are able to do.”
Having personal friends and relatives who have had similar disabilities, I have come across numerous situations where a completely healthy and cheerful person has become an extremely dependant, ill and irritable person having undergone an amputation. I have seen them turning from the most enthusiastic people to a person with no hope and no passion.

Marc says that as a 17 yr old cancer patient spending long periods in a hospital ward full of older people in their 50s and 60s was difficult. It was even more difficult to come out of the hospital one day and not being able to do some of the basic things which had not required any effort before.
While he lived through those dark days, within him emerged a strange kind of resolve of not being accepted as a disabled person. Though with time he had learnt to get adjusted with the artificial limb and the limp that comes with it, coming to terms with sympathetic looks were not that easy. Hence he taught himself, with hours and months of practice, to walk straight and started teaching his artificial limb to behave like his normal leg. So at the age of 17, he had to start afresh and started teaching himself to toddle and then to walk. The result is, today, if he walks into a room full of strangers, the only looks that he is likely to get are those of admiration and never sympathy. This self belief helped him to swim across all his troubles, not only to become one of the fastest swimmers but also to spread his learning by becoming the guiding light for a whole team of swimmers. Each of these swimmers had certain levels of physical disabilities but under the leadership of Marc Woods they excelled and reached heights which many of them never dreamt of achieving alone.

Marc Woods, is not simply an athlete, he is a true leader who has overcome physical, psychological and occupational challenges with sheer determination, grit and an innate belief in the human spirit. Being a Learning Professional in the HR Learning team, I had some of my most precious learning from Marc Woods. Through this article I would like to express my thanks to IBM HR Leaning for giving me the opportunity to change my life.

A comment I posted on Paulo Coelho's blog

2007-07-25T19:23:00.001+05:30

The research on Frame of Reference goes to prove that the human mind is a function of all life experiences of a person. Therefore this is also unique and like the DNA of an individual. My life experiences make “me”. This is science and there are numerous scientific research on the psychology of perception, notions of assimilation and accommodation, Framing etc.
However what is of particular interest to me and which is somewhat beyond our current bounds of science, is what the Hindu philosophy calls the Brahma. According to this philosophy, the individual is part of a larger whole – the Brahma - the infinite source of energy. We are all aware of the ‘brain’, but what is it that we call our “soul”? The soul is that part of our being which links us with this entire universe as it is part of the entire collection of energy that could be. This common and collective “soul” is what brings with it commonalities which exists between the human beings inspite of sever differences in culture, experiences and genes.The soul – which Paulo Coelho goes to discover in a greater depth in his book “the eleven minutes” is something that binds the human race and it is the “soul” that is the “light” and the “voice” that speaks to each one of us. It is the Soul which makes the “warriors of the light” one common whole inspite of being geographically and emotionally distributed.

The Zahir : The emotions that I experienced

2007-07-15T11:00:00.000+05:30

I just completed reading the book by Paulo Coelho “The Zahir”. It is a fantastic story of an individual’s journey of discovering himself. This book has created two very powerful reactions in me. One of complete agreement to what the author has to say. The other of disagreement because it raises in me several unanswered questions that I have come to know as valid questions in these 31 years of my life.

In this book the author explains how he had to loose his inhibitions, his past and all the boundaries set by society in order to find true love and discover himself. His theory is based on a constant, that the society and human history teaches us the norms of “good” or “bad” the “normal” or the “abnormal”. We use and follow rules blindly, The rules set by history of the civilization that we now call our own. His construct is based on his belief that in order to be able to enjoy life to the fullest and help others to enjoy life to the fullest, a human mind has to break away from the bounds of society and norms and feel the free wind of independence. Then and only then can one love unconditionally and passionately.

Reaction One: Just to give an example, I understand and agree to where the author is coming from and I understand the reality in his thoughts. For example, ‘the institution of marriage having originated from the need to make food available for all’ this is a radical idea that is so unique and possibly true.
Indiscriminate copulation in the ancient man’s tribe caused a high birth rate and therefore the pressure on the adults to find food and shelter and protection for the weak babies which in that time and place was an extremely daunting task. So the wise and powerful decreed that a man / a woman can only copulate with one chosen person of the other sex. This helped bring down the birthrate and hence the pressure on the ancient human nomadic tribes to provide for the weak babies.
That norm, which then was a necessity metamorphosed to become a taboo as civilization developed. To the extent, that today anything outside a monogamous marriage is a crime. But, honestly how many among us who have been in long-term relationships or marriages, can cross our hearts and say that we have never for once since the beginning of our relationship felt attracted to another individual sexually or otherwise!! Yes, we are living in denial of our capacity to love. What was once a necessity has today become an inhibitor to the extent that it has led highly accomplished human societies to discriminate based on gender and sexual orientation. Today the purpose is more to control a human mind’s unlimited ability to love than food.

Reaction Two: The second reaction which was strong and undeniable when I read this book is of confusion. The human mind is capable of unconditional and unlimited love. This is from the author. However what do we understand when we say love? Is it just copulation? Is it just the need to be “myself” with a loved one? Is it the need for individuality? Is it as the author says accepting anything and everything that the other person has to say or do?
What about the love that a mother feels for her new born after having gone through the intense pain of child birth?
My point is, why do we make sacrifices? If it is not for love, then for what? If we were all driven by the need to be just ourselves and do what just what we individually want to do.. then why or what will compel our loved one to follow us or to find us?
Individualism is great, but if driven too far, individualism that the author speaks of can cause more wars than love. No two human beings are alike. Some like the mountains more than the sea. Some like red more than the blue and some like running verses swimming. All out needs and wants are different. If the meaning of love is to accept and want individuality, it will invariably lead to conflict of wants and then more war.

Individualism is good from a very personal perspective. However, can we put ourselves in the shoes of parents and still say that individuality is the only thing that is important for love? What about the noble cause of sacrifice for another? What does a poor mother feel when she eats a bite less in order to give one fulfilling meal to her child? Does she tire of doing that? Ever? Will I tire of ever being proud when my child comes home with A+? Is this not a game of give and take? Is this not natural? Is it something that is decreed by society? Is this dependence making me less perfect in my love for my child?

These are questions I am not sure I have the correct answer to. The whole concept of what is “correct” gets somewhat warped. Which I think is the overall purpose of the author.

My personal take: It is important to respect individuality however love is not a function of individuality. It is a function of giving up ones individuality for another.
Individuality is like putting a lock on a door and saying “from here on it is my territory and I am the only one who will decide who gets in” . To me, the ‘lock and key’ is the point of origin of all communalism. It begins from “my room” to “My house” to “My language” to “My region” to “My culture” to “My country” and “My religion”
The day we will be able to get rid of all these “locks & keys” and agree that there is nothing that is every going to be “mine”. That will be the day we will experience unconditional and unlimited love universally.

Other blogs on this book that I read :
http://elevation02.blogspot.com/2007/04/zahir-by-paulo-coelho.html
http://pinoymomsnetwork.com/2007/07/07/try-reading-the-zahir-by-paulo-coelho/#comment-4205

Mindsets that can help us live better lives

2007-07-03T00:26:00.000+05:30

I am currently reading a book by Dale Carnegie, which many of you might have seen on the bookshelves of several bookstores. It is called, ‘How to stop worrying and start living”. http://www.amazon.com/How-Stop-Worrying-Start-Living/dp/0671733354

In this book, the author in his well recognized style shares with the reader several fantastic learnings like:

Live in day tight compartments: “Shut out the yesterdays which have lighted fools the way to dusty death.. The load of tomorrow” . Shut off the future as tightly as the past. The future is today
What is the worst that can possibly happen if I can’t solve my problem? : When in a tight corner, which appears like a dead end with no light at the end of the tunnel to live for. Ask yourself this question, and prepare for the worst.
Our life is what our thought makes of it.
Put a “Stop – Loss” order on your worries: What is the last limit upto which I am go gin to worry about / complain about / hold a grudge on, on a particular issue. This is particularly good to keep in mind when you are in a conflict.
Instead of worrying about in gratitude, let’s expect it: A human brain forgets, so don’t be disappointed and let your heart bleed when a person you have helped a lot forgets about what you did for him / her. Also, there is only so much thanks that you will get for something that you have done. People will not continue to thank you through their life for something that you have done for them.

Several other “rules” that helps one to really control / help not worry any more!!!
He shares with the reader umpteen number of examples of how some exemplary people and other ordinary people like you and me have used number of these rules / worry management techniques and have ended up leading a wonderful life.
In the same breath he also talks about numerous examples from all around him and other famous people, who are intelligent, often highly educated, and yet, they could not manage their worries. Some have lost their lives to worrying other have lost the best of relationships to it.
One classic example is Leo Tolstoy and his young wife. Each of them maintained seperate diaries all throughout their life where they wrote down, how the other has wronged the writer and how he / she has suffered for that. Each had their own version and both were probably honest. Having been married for 8 years now, I can speak from experience, how miserable Tolstoy's lasy years must have been. When, I have my similar tiffs at home, it really hurts, till I can make up.

This got me thinking, and I wanted to know why is it that some people have succeeded in overcoming their worried and some have not. Though not statistically validated, but my assumption is, both categories would have similar numbers and similar profiles of people. There where is the difference?
In the quest of this question, I was directed to another website by an old firend from XLRI : http://www.itconversations.com/shows/detail1011.html

Here is where Dr. Moira Gunn speaks to Dr. Carol Dweck, the Lewis and Virginia Eaton Professor of Psychology at Stanford University, a recognized world leader in the study of personality, and author of Mindset, her new book. I hread a podcast on this site where she talks about her thoughts on the human nature.
There I think I found the answer. But before we get to the answer, here is what I understood of Dr. Dweck’s philosophy:
She talks about basically two kinds of mindset that people have in general:

1. The Fixed Mindset: where everything is fixed and definite. For example, who I am as a person is fixed. My basic qualities / abilities / inabilities like intelligence, interpersonal skills or personalities are fixed and cast in stone of which I have of a certain amount only.
When we have this mindset, we need to have means and ways of proving oneself by not making mistakes, making sure I am worthy etc. In this mindset, people are good / bad OR competent / incompetent etc. There is always a need to be able to reach a definite conclusion. There is an example that the author shares with the reader, when something goes wrong at home, the fixed mindset will always need someone to blame.. to be able to find a conclusion to what caused this. When there is something going wrong at work, there is always a need to prove that I am correct / something is right and another thing is wrong. There is no scope for stretching / growing or developing as an individual.

2. The Growth Mindset: Where everything has a possibility to change. Everything is situational. My basic qualities / abilities / inabilities like intelligence, interpersonal skills or personalities are things that I can continue to build throughout my life. For example, if there is a problem that I am expected resolve, but I cannot resolve it, it does not mean that I am bad or incapable. It just means that I am unable to solve this problem. Nothing more, nothing less. There is no conclusion to be arrived at. Everything is on a continuum.

According to Dr. Dweck, the several laboratory tests that they have conducted, it has been seen that a Growth Mindset, helps people deal with failures, rejections and setbacks better. Which in essence is what Dale Carnegie is speaking about when he is trying to help us stop worrying and start living.

Classical example: When we are young, and we are looking for our perfect partner, when we are young many times we were looking for Prince Charming / the Dream Girl. Someone who would look at me and adore me.. someone ,who would make me look good and perfect in my eyes. Little do we realize that at any given point of time, I am a 'work a progress', the prince charming / the dream girl is also 'a work in progress'! So often , coming from a fixed mindset, any unexpected negative incident in the relationship either meant “ he / she doesn’t like me anymore” OR “ He/ She is not what I thought him / her to be” OR “I don’t think I am worthy of him/ her”. This often leads to end of that relationship.

In a fixed mindset, a failure is a way of telling you who you are. Rejections / obstacles label you / tell you who you are. They tell you, you might have thought you were smart, but you are not. Then you become a slave to your own expectations of yourself / others expectations of you. That adds to worry and is what Milton discovered several hundred years ago: “the mind is its own place, and in itself
Can make a heaven of Hell, a hell of Heaven” – as quoted in Dale Carnegie’s book.
In the Growth Mindset, they are not life defining / self defining experiences just bumps along the way. This mindset makes you think “So should I try another way?” These are not mistakes, or failures, just not the right way of getting the desired result right now.
It is important therefore to understand and consciously try to look at the bright side of things. It is important to remember what Henry Ford said “think you can, think you can’t either way you will be right”.

My take is: It is people with a Growth Mindset, who can actually, really and truly stop worrying and start living. People with Fixed Mindset first need to work on their mindset andthen move it to a Growth mindset.
As propagated by William James (well known practical psychologist), we cannot instantly change our emotions or mindset. But what we can consciously change is our actions or behaviors, which can then automatically impact our feelings and mindsets.

So now, Behavior does not only impact others perception of you as a human being, it also impacts you as a person. So my belief is: If I can start behaving in a fashion which will help me look at life as an on-going and ever evolving process, I am equipping myself to handle rejections and failures better. In other words, Stop Worrying and Start Living.

Fixed to Growth: the new mantra of happiness and continuous learning.

Emotions at the workplace

2007-03-23T15:40:00.000+05:30

I remember those early days when I started ‘working’.. it was voluntary work for a cultural organization primarily comprising of college and post graduate students monitored by professors. The one sermon that our Professors kept preaching to us to ensure that this organization actually worked … was “Be professional in whatever you do. Don’t bring emotions into the workplace”
A sermon that I am sure many of us have lived our lives with… grown and prospered as ‘Professional’ people.
Lately, in my role as Diversity Education Lead in one of the Leading IT organizations of the world, I started exploring the concepts of “Frame of Reference” the “Insider and Outsider” feelings. With this came the realization of how hollow and empty the sermon sounded: “Be professional in whatever you do. Don’t bring emotions into the workplace”

As an HR professional, I cannot but agree that organizations need to hire people simply on the basis of competence, capability and experience. That, we need to try and neutralize all biases that can crop in if we give way to emotions at the point of hiring.

However, once we have hired a human being into an organization, can we ask her / him to everyday swipe her / his badge at the gate and come in only with his / her competence, capability and experience and leave the rest of him / her outside? Sounds silly right?
We hire a complete human being into an organization. One human being, who is complete with competence, capability, experience and emotions. We expect several such complete human beings to stay and work together in a confined space (at times very large confined spaces) for several hours and yet we preach – “Don’t bring emotions into the workplace”

On the other hand, most of the workplace conflicts arise out of different emotions having being expressed at the wrong place. Stands true not only for negative emotions, but also for positive emotions. Several harassment cases come up when one employee ends up expressing positive emotions inappropriately.

Emotions are largely generated from the limbic brain which each and every human being has. It is that part of the brain which makes relationships possible even in animals. So how can we mandate that emotions be banned from the workplace!!

Therefore to maintain a healthy workplace I think each and every manager and employee in all organizations first need to acknowledge that there is no escape from emotions at the workplace.
This realization and acceptance will not only help managers look at managing people and therefore work more smoothly and humanely, but will also help employees deal with work related stress and strain so much better.

Therefore, we need to understand this whole thing called “emotions” a little better from an organizational perspective.
I am an HR practioner by profession. Started my career as a HR Generalist. As many HR generalists would know in their heart, HR bashing is often a fashionable thing to do in organizations and often people end up doing that even without thinking.
Initially it would enrage me greatly to see an insensitive bashing coming my way through nasty emails. I would immediately write back an equally nasty one. Often there would be a whole volley of such mail exchanges before they would get escalated and come back to me in the form of a reprimand from my manager.
Then my manager told me to be professional in whatever you do. "Don’t bring emotions into the workplace”. I asked .. How? He told me: “When you are angry and want to respond to the nasty emails, write back a note with all the feelings you want but don’t send it. Save it in your draft and go have a cup of coffee. Come back, reopen the draft item, re read the mail and then send it” I started practicing that. Very soon I realized that the mails I finally ended up sending were completely different from the originally drafted emails. The result was number of escalations went down.
However in a few months’ time, I realized that there is another voice speaking inside me whenever I send those mails out, and that voice kept telling me... “Ishita... you are a backbone less creature” I kept feeling that “My God!! That bugger got way by saying all those nasty things to me (HR) and I said nothing in return!!”
So that did not work.
Till I came across a book called Non Violent Communication – a language of life, by Marshal B Rosenberg. This is how I can summarize my learning from that.

Pardon me, for using the following analogy, but, this is just the way I see it.
Emotions are like a grenade. One can actually do a few things with a grenade:
- Pull the plug and throw the grenade at somebody / anybody who happens to be around. The result: Devastation for the person on whom the grenade land. Similarly, when at work some people get too “emotional” and get angry over things, they use bad words, abusive language and in extreme cases end up hitting other people!!! Result: just the same – devastation for the person on whom these emotions were unleashed. Therefore obviously not a right way / a productive way of using emotions.
- Pull the plug and hold the grenade close to yourself. The result: Devastation for yourself. In our current 'achievement' oriented society and corporate culture, this is one practice which is highly prevalent and often recommended. However the results are also visible in the form of high number of corporate citizens with diabetes, hyper acidity, depression, insomnia, sexual malfunction, suicidal tendencies… and the list continues.

There has to be a third way:
- Instead of expressing the emotions / bottling up the emotions we need to practice “Discussing” about emotions.

This is a new concept for people like me who have been in this corporate “no-feeling” culture for so long. We have forgotten the vocabulary to use if we want to “discuss” about our feeling - a big difference from “Demonstrating” the feeling.
I am sure you are very familiar with phrases like “I am impressed”, “I am misunderstood”, and “I am ignored”.
How many times do you hear words like “I am happy” “I am sad” “I am annoyed”?
The basic difference is, in our quest to appear “feeling less” we look for and often find someone / something to blame for feeling a certain way. The first sets of phrases are not really feelings they are, only an excuse to feel a certain way. The moment we use these words we end up making some enemies / we end up hurting some more people.
On the contrary if we can get comfortable using the true feeling words like “ happy” “sad” “annoyed” “upset” “concerned”, we are taking ownership of our own feelings. In this way, we are helping others to see the impact of their insensitivity on us and our productivity. By owning our emotions, we legitimize it and make it more acceptable to others. This lowers workplace conflict, emotional stress and improves the overall organizational climate and environment.
As Bertrand Russell said “ We know too much and feel too little. At least, we feel too little of those creative emotions from which a good life springs”.
The corporate jungle is our environment of existence and as we need purer air to live, we also need a better organizational environment to exist. Therefore whatever we can do or learn to help live a little better in the corporate world the happier a generation we will be.